I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
