apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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