Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
