she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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