I could make wine with my vomit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize