Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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