we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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