Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
