He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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