We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize