a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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