At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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