i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
