Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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