So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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