Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
