i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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