theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
