I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
