At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
