We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
