I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
