Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
