Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
