There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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