I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
