The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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