I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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