I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
