college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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