the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize