I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
