so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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