I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
