Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize