I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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