VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
