This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
