dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
