my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
