Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
