Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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