no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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