I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
