I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
