My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
