there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
