soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
