you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
