apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
