no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
