I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
