that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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