i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
