he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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