I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
