ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
