what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
