I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
