somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
