She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
