Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
