I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
