cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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