So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
