party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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