I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
