He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
