Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
