My nipple is on Facebook.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
