Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
