So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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