mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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