dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
