is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
