why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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