After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
