I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
