you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
