why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
