I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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