the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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