trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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