Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
