I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
