My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
