Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need a burrito and a hug.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
