He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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