My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
