I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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