her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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