so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
