Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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