Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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