Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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