This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
