I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
