He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize