We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
