Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
