What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
