He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
