smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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