When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
