At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
