You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
