there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
