The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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