i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize