and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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